To the beach

I have moved back to the beach - this time the coast of North Carolina. Sound of the ocean when I wake up and when I fall asleep. Sharp tang of the salt air. Feeling more at home in the short time I've been here than anywhere else I've lived in 2011.

I'm silly with gratitude as I write this with my view of sparkling waves.

What now for me? Whatever comes. Anything is possible.

Things are going to get sticky, anyway

I didn't plan to take a vacation from my blog. Just kinda happened. Felt good. Things are changing rapidly in my life and I don't know how to write about them yet. Plus, let's face it: nothing else was big enough to overshadow my entry on Derek Trucks!

And it still isn't, but...

Leave it to a mouse to give you a kick in the pants. Or in the dress.

Recently I opened my closet to find a mouse had chewed some of my good dresses. I was pissed, and spent an afternoon ranting about it. But then I realized: there is a lesson here. This is only "bad" if I say so. Only "infuriating" if I say so. Maybe it just freakin' IS.

That little mouse was a Buddha in disguise. Because since then, I've been taking a pause when I feel overly emotional. Just a minute to say "Ok. I'm angry (sad, freaked, grievous, anxious, whatever). That's interesting." And in this moment, I can short-circuit the emotion so it doesn't take over. RADICAL! It just IS. So...where do I go from there?

Now this morning, I popped a small jar of honey...cue evil foreshadowing music...

into my purse to use for my cup of morning tea at a client's office. I put it in a plastic bag to avoid a honey meltdown.

BUT THAT SHIT DID NOT WORK! Got to the office to find the top of the jar had loosened and the bag broke, oozing sweet, golden goodness all over my stuff.

What's the lesson there? I'm just so sweet? More of the cosmic joke? Or is it...

You may try to control things but things are going to get sticky, anyway.

Beach

These are blanket flowers sprouting from the sand at the beach. I read up on them and they grow best in harsh conditions.

Kind of like me, I suppose. Which is why I was at the beach. To create a blissful condition and escape the harshness that's been dogging me.

Here's what I learned: when I feel depleted, depressed, and stressed, I must lay flat on the ground and absorb the rejuvenating power of the Earth. In this case, the sand right next to the ocean.

Showering with butterflies

I've moved back to the woods, where I shower with butterflies. (They are greedy with the soap). I fall asleep to the sound of banjo frogs and cicadas. And sometimes wake in the middle of the night to the wild noises of bard owls mating.

Being here in a beautiful space...surrounded by nature's inspiration...in a community of artists and mavericks...with a housemate who is artistic, conscious, and funny: all of it is one step closer to the vibe of my ocean home.

I'm also flirting more, connecting more, and just generally loving life more. All of this is sexy (take that, you horny owls!). To me and to others. I'm anticipating a date this week with a gorgeous, unconventional guy.

And writing. Of course. It's my first, my last, my everything. To quote the great master Barry White. It's who I am. End of story. Ha! So how am I doing in this arena? More and more freelance clients. Just submitted a short story and am finishing up another. Waiting oh so patiently as my book makes the rounds.

Do you chew your food?

I'm serious. Do you chew your food or do you just wolf it? No disrespect to wolves.

Here in the woods I've finally learned to chew. I know this sounds humorous. If you had asked me before if I chewed, I'd have said well of course, I don't just swallow it whole. I mean, I've eaten at amazing restaurants, had five-star cuisine even, a handful of times. It tasted refined, nuanced, gorgeous.

(But did I really chew those wonderful meals? I just don't know!)

So here's what happened. I read "Anger" by Thich Nhat Hanh and he suggested that mindful eating, along with mindful walking and mindful breathing, is a sure way to diffuse anger or any other negative emotion, dissolving it right away in a sea of mindfulness. For mindful eating, the instruction was to simply sit and eat, no distractions, being present, and here's the kicker: to chew each bite 50 times.

Now I don't know if I'm getting to 50. I'm not counting. But I'm chewing way more. And it's clear that before, I was a wolf scarfing her meat down. Now I'm savoring. It's making a big difference, physically and emotionally. Before, I wasn't aware if I was chewing or not. Damn.

Hanh goes on to say that mindful living in general - whether working, playing, cleaning, eating - will serve to either amplify good emotions or pacify bad ones.

I almost feel I'm confessing something embarrassing. Like someone could read this and say she used to wolf her food!

But so many people do. YOU may. Maybe you just wolfed a snack before you read this, in like three bites!

Hell, I used to wolf my LIFE.

But no more. Now I savor. Savor: imagine it taking five seconds to say this word and that is what I'm doing. Mexico would be so proud of me.

Open...or closed?

Something has shifted.

I was in yoga class the other day and the instructor said that at any one moment we have two choices: to be opening, or closing to what's in front of us. And it hit home for me: I have had a big CLOSED sign up lately. CLOSED to almost every facet of my life. That means I was CLOSED to new things coming my way! Oh no!

The instructor also talked about getting through resistance. You can either fall into a mental swamp when you get into a position that's uncomfortable: oh my god, I hate it here, why am I here, let me back out of this, I think I'm going to pull something, I can't do this.... This holds true for asanas - yoga poses - or for your random life situation.

OR you can breathe through it and see what opening this seemingly uncomfortable place brings.

Stop resisting your life, I told myself. So I hung out the OPEN sign and things are moving. Forward.

Balance

My body is valiantly trying to find some sort of balance here in Puerto Vallarta. It seems elusive. Here is someone who is a master of balance:














It was fascinating to watch this wizard of rocks coax stones into impossible structures. These big rocks are balancing on just the slightest of surface. I could swear he was talking to them.

It took time. I suppose it will take time for me, as well.