Who am I kidding? I'm happy.

I am happy.

When I started this blog, I thought: OK. We'll do this blog thing until I get my book deal and that will be the big fat cherry on top, the final entry. Hasn't happened quite yet.

Still happy.

Not living with my cosmic man.

Still happy.

The Next Big Thing...is me staying where I am. Signing a year's lease. STAYING. Me, queen of itchy feet. STAYING. I took a walk on the beach today, letting the ocean chase my feet, sipping my oolong tea (Iron Goddess of Mercy) and suddenly I was inspired to belt out a song. I mean loud, too.

Sit, stay, breathe. Be happy.

Headlong into life

This morning I thought I'd go for a little swim. The sea looked so lovely and gentle. As I got to waist-deep, a big, mean wave came out of nowhere and smacked me in the face. Then another one, which dragged me on my rear end and turned me over. Sputtering, I crawled out, my bikini full of sand and eyes burning with salt.

Gentle, my ass.

I got to thinking about this later today (after a nap). The ocean is pure, raw, crazy powerful LIFE. And as I've found out, when you jump headlong into life, sometimes you get smacked.

But you also get loved. Because now I feel invigorated after my tussle with Mother Ocean. Worked over by the physical rush of it.

I really love my ability to jump headlong into life!

To the beach

I have moved back to the beach - this time the coast of North Carolina. Sound of the ocean when I wake up and when I fall asleep. Sharp tang of the salt air. Feeling more at home in the short time I've been here than anywhere else I've lived in 2011.

I'm silly with gratitude as I write this with my view of sparkling waves.

What now for me? Whatever comes. Anything is possible.

Derek Trucks

Derek Trucks. In concert. Tonight. Bliss.

Going to see Derek tear it up with his new outfit, the Tedeschi Trucks Band. Tedeschi as in Susan Tedeschi, his wife and fellow musician.

Derek Trucks is a blazing amazing guitar player, a wizard with a slide and the absolute cosmic master of the instrument. No one plays the slide guitar like Derek.

Nothing is sweeter than the few hours before a live show...

...except for the show itself, man. Except for the show itself.

graciasgraciasgracias

Here's how you do it

I've talked to a number of friends lately who are teetering on the brink of their dreams. It's like an outbreak or something. Everyone's looking to mutiny, make a jailbreak from the mundane. What does it take to make it happen, get through the confusion, stop feeling so awful? they ask.

It takes an unswerving commitment to dig into your heart and then follow what's there. No matter what.

Be fearless. You must not let your doubts and fears stop you. Money, time, security, grief, loneliness, your past: these are excuses. See them for what they are. Illusions. Trust me. They are just illusions to be blown away like smoke, no matter how big they seem. I KNOW this.

So you've been scared before. Bankrupt before. Hurt before. Someone stomped your heart. Someone trapped you, ignored you, beat you down. Broke you. You feel like you fucked up. You did fuck up. Me, too. So what? So what? Do it anyway.

How do you figure out what you want? Ask yourself: What brings me bliss?

Start moving in the direction of your dreams and trust me, you'll be supported. I KNOW this, too.

Who am I? A woman that will never stop. I want to keep traveling, tasting, exploring the world, people, adventures, all the range of emotions and senses. I make my own rules. I will have a home base next to the ocean but I will always be on the move somehow. I'm a writer and will always be. I'm going to go to massage school one day. I have so much to share and I will do it, blissfully and without reserve. I am ready - despite my fears! - to have a fiercely / gently passionate relationship with a fellow traveler who takes one look at me and can say,

WOW. I want some more of you. As much as possible. Starting right now. Been waiting for this all my life, baby.

Oh, yum.

I will follow this path even at the risk of death because it's the only way I can live.