Emerging from the cave

I'm back in North Carolina now after days on the road. The way the landscapes and temperature changed delighted me with each successive state I drove through, the fall foliage lessening to green as if I were rewinding time. No I-95 for me: I took the route through the mountains, down through the Shenandoah Valley on I-81.

My favorite part of the trip was unplanned. In Grottoes, VA, I randomly pulled off the highway to see the Grand Caverns. The mountains turning purple in the fading light, I barely made it to the last guided tour of the day.
The belly of the mountain was beautiful, and a cool 54F year-round. Quiet, just a handful of other visitors at the late hour, the marvel of the dripping stalactites, living rock. Even saw a couple of (early) hibernating bats clinging to the upper reaches of the cave when we were 200 feet below ground. Only the next day did it hit me: bats symbolize rebirth. And if that's not what I'm doing by returning to NC at the end of a long journey, I don't know what it is.

Leaving the cave as the sun set, we visitors made polite walking-to-the-car introductions. The others were inspired by my summary - quit my job to write a book and travel - and told me how brave I was. Oh, how I needed to hear that! It made me glow to remember. Me. Brave. Yes.

Gotta say it feels weird here in NC. Past, present, and future simultaneously: all my possible selves merging into one. Full circle.

Here I sit now, in a borrowed empty bedroom with no furniture, staring at the ceiling and thinking about it all.

Going, going...

Man. So I mean look, I couldn't even write in my blog this past month. I can understand if I bored you. I bored even myself. I asserted at the beginning of October that I felt good about the month--- hey, it's not over yet! But I was so wrapped up in trying to figure out what not having a book deal yet meant for me / being sorely pissed off that I kind of

ground to a halt.

And to get somewhere, you have to go somewhere. Keep moving, keep dancing (homage to Haruki Murakami's excellent Dance, Dance, Dance) to stay alive.

So while Maine was the place I edited my book, North Carolina is the place I will wait for it. No, I never imagined I'd go back to North Carolina, not in a million years, and I do not consider it a destination but -- as has happened so many times this year -- a friend has offered a place to stay while I look for a work gig. And along the way there will be adventure, friends, and resources that appear

as if by magic.

Still here

I'm still here (here in Maine and here, in the metaphysical sense). A bit tired, a bit banged up, and yet, I persist. Sometimes I wonder why I persist. Oh, yeah, I learned that in Mexico: fe, valor, corazon. Faith, courage, heart.

My book is done and now I'm on the hunt for an agent. Given that the process is now out of my control, given the approaching Maine winter, given many things I can - and can't yet - explain, I am heading South. My intuition has been nudging me for a while. Why do we ignore our deepest voice? (Food for thought). This is what I've been doing in October: surrendering and coming to terms with it. It. All of it.

"In my mind I'm going to Carolina..."

I'm still here. But soon I'll be there.

October

I have a very good feeling about October! It's a "people can you feel it, love is everywhere" kind of feeling....