Crush and Ganesh

Look who I saw yesterday: Ganesh! My friend M told me that he has a big head, telling you to think big and go beyond your limitations. Also, he has big ears, telling you to listen and follow what you hear.

I have a crush. He's a beautiful artist. I saw him looking at me. And hopefully he saw me looking at him. I gave him my phone number.

I wonder where the story goes from here.

Om Gum Ganapatayei Namaha
Salutations to Ganesh, remover of obstacles

Beach

These are blanket flowers sprouting from the sand at the beach. I read up on them and they grow best in harsh conditions.

Kind of like me, I suppose. Which is why I was at the beach. To create a blissful condition and escape the harshness that's been dogging me.

Here's what I learned: when I feel depleted, depressed, and stressed, I must lay flat on the ground and absorb the rejuvenating power of the Earth. In this case, the sand right next to the ocean.

Showering with butterflies

I've moved back to the woods, where I shower with butterflies. (They are greedy with the soap). I fall asleep to the sound of banjo frogs and cicadas. And sometimes wake in the middle of the night to the wild noises of bard owls mating.

Being here in a beautiful space...surrounded by nature's inspiration...in a community of artists and mavericks...with a housemate who is artistic, conscious, and funny: all of it is one step closer to the vibe of my ocean home.

I'm also flirting more, connecting more, and just generally loving life more. All of this is sexy (take that, you horny owls!). To me and to others. I'm anticipating a date this week with a gorgeous, unconventional guy.

And writing. Of course. It's my first, my last, my everything. To quote the great master Barry White. It's who I am. End of story. Ha! So how am I doing in this arena? More and more freelance clients. Just submitted a short story and am finishing up another. Waiting oh so patiently as my book makes the rounds.

Longings

"If she satisfied her longings they would by definition not be longings anymore. By living out the things she wished, there would only be possible failure. She feared failure even more than continuing to harbor unsatisfied longings. So it seemed quite clear that the only courageous thing to do was act on her desires."

- Louise Erdrich, Tales of Burning Love

I adore Louise Erdrich. I re-read these words today and they gave me a delicious jolt.

End oil and gas subsidies now

You're struggling to pay all your bills. Gas prices are too high to justify and businesses are passing on their increased transportation costs. All the while, who is seeing record profits?

That's right. Big oil and gas companies and their grossly overpaid executives. This includes BP, the company that knowingly caused the biggest environmental disaster in history.

Are you OK with this? If not, speak out right now:

• Write the President
• Write your congressional representative
• Write your senator

I have. You can do it via email in 5 minutes. The thought of bailing out or subsidizing one more "needy" industry makes no sense.

Lust in the Leaflight

I don't have a lusty encounter - muddy, grass-stained, delicious, took place under these branches - to relate. Sorry. Tricked you. And here you are, reading my blog.

I am feeling lusty though. Spring, and a young woman's thoughts turn to...

Oh, come on! You'd all rather be gettin' some than whatever you're doing right now. All of you! Banging, balling, bonking, rolling in the hay, fucking, knocking boots, getting laid, gettin' busy, doin' the wild thing. Admit it!

Coming to terms with the edge

Talking with a friend today, I reflected on how I frequently find myself dancing on the edge. The edge of what I think is my limit creatively, financially, and emotionally. I keep reaching places I thought I'd never see, didn't want to see, and cringe to experience.

So WHY? WHY?

Because I value freedom so much...because I find the edge more potent and lively...because I feel like security is limiting...because I equate the soft plains of stability with a kind of death...because I am a writer and need material....because it is all part of the cosmic illusion and I need to surprise myself continually...?

Now we're getting somewhere.

OK. From here on out: I am totally comfortable with so many edges, especially in terms of my writing and relationships and emotional experience. In terms of home and finances, though, I must have - yes, I demand and claim - a stable foundation.

It's time for a measure of stability. That in itself would be novel right now!