Tasty playlist

Pandora gave me a run of perfect songs this morning. One after the other, sweet tunes that made me exclaim "oh, yeah!" every time another one came on. Such things are not coincidence. Are the gods smiling on me, or what?

Drunken Hearted Boy, Allman Brothers
Wild Horses, Rolling Stones
Trouble No More, Allman Brothers
Blues in 'A', Clapton
Mary Jane's Last Dance, Tom Petty
Simple Man, Skynryd
Sky is Crying (live), Stevie Ray Vaughan
Sailin' Across the Devil Sea, Allman Brothers
Crossroads, Cream
Whole Lotta Love (live), Zeppelin
No One Left to Run with (live), Allman Brothers
Dear Mr. Fantasy, Traffic

I loved it! I love this blog! I love this life! I love!

Yearning...

There's something that keeps invading my thoughts. At a yoga workshop, I once met a woman who said that she spent seven hours kissing one of the loves of her life. She said that nothing else ever happened between them but that epic liplock on a porch overlooking a river.

After so much time, that kiss would move beyond lust, beyond the physical, beyond to a spiritual - a mystical - experience.

Seven hours.

Kissing.

Cannot stop thinking about it.

Sueño

It means dream.I am trusting my deepest instincts, which are telling me in no uncertain terms to go to Mexico right now. I just don't think I'd be pushed towards something that would hurt me. That kind of fearlessness is how this artist has to live her life.

"I just can't live my dream and be myself...because something bad will happen!!!"

No, no, no.

I am writing the story as I go along and the next chapters are all about sun, sand, sass, senses, surrender, sexuality, spring, summer...sueño. Notice how the sound of "S" is like the ocean?

I know I will be safe and welcomed wherever I roam.

Happy Spring Equinox, all!

Freak. Out.

This is the lowest day I've had in a long time. I'm having a freakout. What do I think I'm doing? I don't know anyone in Mexico. I don't have a firm place to stay. I don't feel able to continue on in Maine - and I no longer have a home to return to in Carolina.

My ship is without mooring.

Today I had a meeting connected with my freelance work. I ended up in a corporate meeting room without lunch, feeling dazed and trapped, surrounded by a network of gray cubicles. This put a quick end to yesterday's fantasies of returning to the "respectable world." Huh.

I really, really, really, really (you get the picture) feel uncomfortable about my housing situation in Mexico - or lack thereof. I've been corresponding with two people who contacted me via Craigslist. One is a woman with a room to rent. Her English isn't stellar and her concept of time is fuzzy. But this could be the structuralist in me being confused by the live-in-the-nowist in her.

The other option I've been pursuing is a place owned by an American who winters there. He said he could not hold the condo for me, to which I replied if it was the place for me, it would be available when I arrived. He gave me the email of his previous tenant. She raved about the place but said she'd rented the place sight unseen - and counseled me to do the same, lest this perfect deal pass me by. When I said "oh, no" she pushed me yet again, saying offers like this don't come along all the time and that I would be wise to sign on.

Up til that point, I was thinking this would be the place for me. But I'm feeling sold to. What if these are just some scammers sitting in their basement somewhere, far from Vallarta?

I am feeling spectacularly angry and alone.

Riding the wheel

During a tarot reading, the Wheel of Fortune came up for my time in Mexico. Once I heard the meaning, I had to smile. And every time I think of it, I smile yet again.

Jane Lyle's The Secret Tarot says that the Wheel of Fortune card signifies "change, movement, and unexpected twists of fate." It is a transcendent (one of my favorite words!) card representing both the end and beginning of something.

Aeclectic Tarot goes even further, painting a glorious picture of what awaits, based on the appearance of this card: "Call it karmic payback for all the good things they've done in life - destiny or just luck - but whatever lotteries are out there, large or small, they've just won one."

Gracias.

I have a date...

...with Mexico. I bought my ticket today. Before my next birthday, I will be walking along la playa and breathing in the salty ocean breeze.

This was a big step for me.

¡Fiebre primaveral!

It means spring fever. And that's just what's hit Maine this weekend. The beach was packed with people. Everyone was smiling. I even met a woman with a dog who was half wolf. She - the dog, not the woman - dipped her pink tongue into the ocean and then sneezed.

For me, spring fever awoke this morning with the intense desire to dress up for dinner. I mean tall boots, dress, and eye makeup. Off with the fleece, jeans, and Uggs and on with something fancy!

I called the man who works at the eyeglasses shop. (I just got a new pair).

"Hi, S?"

"Oh, Kelly, your frames aren't ready yet."

"No, well, um, I'm calling for another reason. You said you were looking for a reason to dress up. That you don't get a chance to dress up as much since you moved from New York City."

"Uh huh." He's sounding confused here.

"So I thought, why don't we grab a bite to eat and dress up together? Sounds fun, right? Good conversation, fancy clothes?"

"Oh. Oh! I am so flattered. But I have to tell you, I'm a married man, so I don't think that would be appropriate. But oh, so flattering!" Now he's sounding quite pleased with himself.

I agreed with him and hung up. I'll chalk that one up to the rising of the sap...