Lately I've been trying zazen, the Buddhist practice of sitting. It's not your usual meditation - an emptying of the mind. This is sitting with what is, letting your mind range - and moving forward from there. What's coming up for me is loneliness. If happiness is accepting what is, then I can't get happy with being alone anymore.
I accept that it is unacceptable for me to be without my love any longer!
Take that, Buddha.
I am fucking lonely. I am happy with who I am, where I've been, where I'm going...and I am ready to share. NOW. I'm not afraid to say these things. I want to be held. To touch and be touched. To fall asleep with someone, wake up with someone, adventure together through this thing called life.
Being alone even one more day is completely unacceptable to me.
And on a completely unrelated note, I heard this fun song by Ludacris in my car yesterday, My Chick Bad. The hook caught me:
My chick bad
My chick hood
My chick do stuff that your chick wish she could
I have always enjoyed Ludacris, ever since What's Your Fantasy.
Blues rock is my drug of choice but you've gotta admit: a lot of the edgiest stuff that's come out in recent decades is rap. Nelly, Eminem, Missy Elliot, Ludacris.
Don't even get me started on Country Grammar. When that came out, NOTHING sounded like it. It was revolutionary, fool!
So if you're looking for a woman who's unafraid of sharing her dark feelings and jamming to some rap from the Dirty South...I'm your gal.
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